Our Kitchen is Gross

So we bought our house this fall. We love the location, we love the homey feel of the house, and we love the neighbors. What we don’t love is the look of the house itself. It’s a ranch house that was built in the 60s. The exterior is actually pretty okay. But the interior… yikes. There is wood paneling, rust-colored laminate flooring, and lots and lots of oak.

Apparently wood trim (baseboards, doors, railings, etc.) is a thing here in Wisconsin. Most of the houses we looked at when we were buying, both online and in person, were chock-full of wood. Wood everywhere. It feels so dark and grim to me. I like bright, white, clean, and crisp. Wood can be pretty sometimes, but wow, it’s overwhelming to me.

So my kitchen. Let me tell you about my kitchen.

  • Cabinets: Oak with tiny round white knobs, very flimsy-feeling, and noisy as heck
  • Flooring: Rust-colored laminate made to look like terra-cotta tiles with super dark grayish brown “grout” in between
  • Appliances: Older than me– literally, mismatched
  • Countertops: Gray
  • Wall color: Formula-fed-baby poop
  • Layout: Terrible, closed-in, dark

Here are a few pictures to help you visualize the madness. Comments below each picture.

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This is the pantry/coat closet that greets you as you walk in from the garage. Here you can see a good representation of the floor and wall color.

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I have been doing dishes all morning. The dishwasher is full of clean dishes. The counters are full of clean dishes, too. The dishwasher has a towel stuffed underneath it because somehow the opening for the dishwasher is open to the freezing cold Wisconsin air. I’m totally keeping it real here, everyone. Oh, and that phantom light fixture is hovering there because we have a ghost in the kitchen and/or my phone case reflects light in weird ways.

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Here’s a really nice close look at the cabinets and their hardware. Geeee-rossssss.

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Haha, look at that tiny tiny microwave. And the oldest stove known to man, which is currently taken apart so I can wash the under-burner crumb/spill catcher bowl thingies. (I am certain they have a much more proper name than that.) Also, I swept the floor this morning. And then the kids ate breakfast. Oy, this is the life.

Ok, so here are my thoughts.

First, I would love to rip everything out, tear down some walls, and start over. Gotta save the dollaz for that. So, we will be doing some small stuff and some not-so-small stuff in the interim. I think we’ll go in a couple of phases.

Phase 1 (2017)

  • Paint all the wood stuff white and replace the hardware
  • Replace the shelf and drawer liners with something that’s not fifty years old
  • Paint the baby poop walls a light, warm greyish taupe
  • Replace the crazy faux-brick backsplash with something pretty and shiny to reflect a bit more light
  • Figure out why the dishwasher opening leaks frigid air and fix that problem
  • Replace the ceiling fan that is in the eat-in area of the kitchen

Phase 2 (2018-2020)

  • Cut out that low-hanging header from which the cabinets are suspended– it serves absolutely no purpose except to make the cabinets lower and closer to the countertops, so the work space is super cramped
  • Replace the sink and fixtures so I have more than 12 inches between the faucet and the bottom of the sink (the current setup makes washing large bowls and pots very difficult– it’s like Sink Tetris, y’all)
  • Replace the appliances

Phase 3 (sometime around 2025?)

  • Reconfigure the layout
  • Replace flooring, cabinets, etc.
  • Basically rip it out and start over (WOO!)

I plan to start washing all the wood stuff with TSP this week. Gotta start somewhere. Clean surfaces really help. 🙂

I’ll keep you updated every now and then.

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