Antsy

Every now and then, I get a little bit antsy. I get into a rhythm, it gets to be too easy, and I start to think of the next great project. I find if I don’t have a particular thing to look forward to, my mind wanders and my hands start to create. This could be an amazing gift if only I had some sort of direction for my periodic spurts of energy.

I often fill these times with crafting. In the past year, I’ve done sewing, embroidery, knitting, crocheting, and Christmas ornament making. Sometimes I get a bit more physically involved when I feel bored, and I tackle a new exercise routine or clean out my closet. Occasionally I just need something to engage my mind and so I read several books in a short period of time. And rarely I will experiment with cooking and baking a bunch of new recipes all in one week or so.

The key characteristic of these phases for me is the need for planning and executing something and bringing something new to fruition. Being a stay-at-home-mom is wonderful in many ways, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t tedious at times. Waking up and doing the same routine and sorting out the same squabbles over and over, day after day, gets a bit tiresome. My mind begins to wander and I begin to consider what my contribution to our family, and to our society, will be.

I have a bunch of ideas running through my head all the time. I guess you could say I have a bucket list. But mine isn’t fancy– I don’t feel the need to go skydiving or fluttering around the world in scary scary airplanes (seriously, I’m terrified of flying). And yet I struggle with trying to balance my big ideas, like writing a book or opening a Christmas tree farm, with this scripture from 1 Thessalonians 4 that the Lord has laid on my heart over and over again over the past year:

Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.10 …Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, 11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life… I have no trouble with this usually. I’m very introverted, I enjoy staying home, I can go for days without speaking a single word to anyone and feel very much okay. I’m not interested in gossip and I do everything I can to stay out of it when people try to involve me where I’m not needed. I’m constantly working with my hands, whether it be cooking or cleaning or laundry or crafts or gardening or mommy-ing. In fact I am sure Jonathan and I do a lot more work with our hands, in order to save money, than many people in the world. We try desperately not to be in debt or to ask favors from anyone.

With all that said, I still feel the urge to dream and plan and set goals. I have my sights set on some particular achievements I’d like to see come to fruition, and yet I’m not certain how to get there. God has also been working in my heart and seems to be leading me to consider doing some work I never thought I’d consider. It’s all very murky and unclear, and I feel like I’m wearing glasses that I can’t seem to wipe clean. Every time I sit and consider where God might be leading me, I have more new ideas and come up with even better plans for the old ones. Each new idea is just another speck of dirt on my life lenses, and God doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to make my path forward clear.

And so I’m making it my task right now to lead a quiet life. I’ll go through the steps, day by day. I’ll be the mom, I’ll clean the house, I’ll teach the day’s lessons, I’ll cook the meals. But I’m also digging in quite a bit deeper and doing a bit more self-care, which for me involves exercise and spending time alone with a notebook, a Bible, and a blanket. Jonathan and I are going to sit and come up with a schedule for both of us to go to the gym and for me to have an hour or two alone throughout the week in a quiet comfortable place.

To keep my mind engaged, I’m reading a bunch of books right now, ranging in topics from photography to parenting. I discovered I prefer nonfiction, and I checked out about 20 books from our library last weekend. I do have a couple of books that are on my list of what I’d like to read, but they’re not available in our library system, and so I will have to save my money and purchase copies later on.

I’m also working on another year-long project that will be more on the fun, creative side. It’s helping me learn photography, and I’m really excited about it.

And now to plan.

What are you working on right now? What head space are you in? What’s inspiring you? Where is God leading you? How can I support you as you tackle your next project? Friends and family, connect with me!

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2 Comments

  1. Courteney said,

    January 15, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    I love this! In the months I spent sick and laying around last year I really felt God leading me to do more in my own life. As a fellow intovert I don’t often seek out deep connections with others, but feel this is a place for me to grow. I am working on seeing and loving others as Jesus does. I’ve also been feeling a constant tug on my heart to get involved with human trafficking. I even reached out to a local group last month. This is so far from my comfort zone that I’m confident that it will only happen through the Lord!

    • January 16, 2017 at 10:21 am

      That is so cool, Courteney! Jonathan and I have talked about doing something in that same area.What does the group you reached out to do? I’ll keep you in my prayers as you determine how you can best serve!


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