Cinderella is Crazy and my Cat is, Too.

You guys. Yesterday, I was sitting here in the living room, enjoying the first rays of dawn while typing my post, when suddenly my cat, Riley, came flying into the house. He had been out in the garage with Jonathan. I thought nothing of it as the cat is a bit off his rocker and he gets spurts of energy which send him sprinting up and down the stairs and meowing like a maniac several times a day. But then Jonathan came bounding in from the garage, too, and said, “Riley has a mouse!”

I don’t know what made him do it. Riley clamped that disgusting little rodent in his razor sharp teeth and brought it into my house. Into my house. INTO MY HOUSE! Cinderella would have been thrilled. She would have pulled out her miniature wardrobe and talked lovingly and calmly to this little former-field-dweller and been oh-so-exhilarated to have made a new friend. Not I. I did what any sane human being would do- I panicked.

I yanked my feet up and told Jonathan he better stop that mouse from coming anywhere near me. I cowered in my chair like Malcolm hiding from T-Rex in Jurassic Park. I had pictures of Riley tossing that little flea-ridden disease factory in the air and hitting me with it. As soon as the mouse got free and scurried behind a bookcase, I made a dash for the kitchen and jumped up on the counters so I could be safe. Rodents are scary, man.

Jonathan carefully moved the bookcase so Riley could get to the mouse, but Riley is apparently the worst mouser in the world, and he let it run… into the kitchen. You guys, I really couldn’t win. Of course the mouse scampered along under the cabinets, flashing his beady eyes and chomping his giant rodent teeth at me until he got to the dishwasher… then he disappeared. I was freaking out, imagining all the dish-washing Jonathan was going to have to do (NO WAY was I going to be touching those dishes after a nasty nasty pesty fuzzball had run across them and probably pooped and left every disease in the world all over them). Jonathan pulled out the dishwasher to reveal a gaping hole behind the cabinets. Great.

Fortunately the hole was a dummy and it did not lead to Narnia. The mouse was trapped and Jonathan was able to scoop it out of there with a broom. (Note to self: buy new broom.) Of course, Riley the WonderCat was absolutely uninterested in finding/hunting/killing the mouse by this point, so he just casually observed as Jonathan stepped on it!!!!!!! (Note to self: buy Jonathan new shoes!) Then Jonathan got the mouse contained in a jar and took it outside. I told him to just throw it way far out in the field across the street… but no. He insisted that Riley come out there to finish the job.

Riley, Mr. Unreliable, did not have any intentions of finishing that job. He was all like, “Oh man you guys, I brought you a fun mousie to play with and all you wanna do is take it out of the house and kill it? I’m having no part in this.” And he walked away. Seriously, my un-catliest-cat-ever WALKED AWAY from a mouse. So Jonathan had to dispose of that horrible little squeaking germ ball and that. is. that.

Thank goodness for Jonathan. Without him I would be petrified on the counters, ripping my hair out for fear the mouse would want to come steal it and use it for a nest for its disgusting little disease-ridden offspring. I’m totally sane, but that Cinderella chick- she’s crazy.

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