Sweet Boy and Thanks to Carol

Okay, so I sweat the small stuff. I cry over spilled milk. I worry about tomorrow.

 

And today was horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad. And I don’t ever want to repeat it.

 

And I have a newborn and a toddler. And it freaks me out. And I am desperately trying to stay in the moment so that I don’t freak myself out by planning and overthinking and writing out notebooks full of lists and schedules and plans and ideas that will never come to fruition.

 

I am also an only child. And the whole time I was pregnant I was second-guessing and thinking, “WHAT have I gotten myself into? I don’t even WANT another child!!!”

 

But tonight. Tonight my sweet baby boy, who spent seven hours straight crying his lungs out today, smiled the sweetest smiles and craned his little neck around to see my face in the soft light. And he said, “Awowhwooooeeh.” Then he closed his eyes, nursed his little tummy full, and smelled so sweet and soft and delicate. And when he was done, he let his head fall to the side, tucked his little fists up against his cheeks, and sighed the sweetest little baby sigh I’ve ever heard.

 

I know that little boy is not always going to smell sweet. I know his eyes will not always be closed in quiet repose. I know I will more often hear those grating cries and spend so much time soothing his hurts. But I know that every moment is so worth it.

 

He looks just like his Daddy. Some day his wife will look him in the eyes and be so in love with that man. But for now, I get to look him in the eyes and be so in love with that boy. That sweet boy.

 

Thank you, Carol, for Jonathan. I know you cherish those memories of holding and caressing his itty bitty body in the darkness of the evening feedings. Thank you for raising him with love so that I can love the man he is. And thank you for setting a wonderful example of how to raise a boy.

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