Refusing Breakfast

So today my little Hula Girl pulled a stunt she’s never in her life tried. She refused to eat breakfast.

I went in her room at 7:45 with her cup of milk. First she informed me that I needed to turn on the light. Then she told me, “[Hula Girl] ees HUNNY, Mommy. [Hula Girl] want eedoo nack.” (Hula Girl is HUNGRY, Mommy. Hula Girl want little snack.) I told her that we would have her milk and then we’d go downstairs for breakfast. She said, “No bock-bah, eedoo nack.” (No breakfast, little snack.)

I distracted her, she sucked down her milk, then she went downstairs in search of Daddy so she could tell him goodbye before he left for work.

Fast forward 20 minutes or so, and I set a plate of cinnamon sugar toast (delightful treat!) and grapes before her. “[Hula Girl] want eedoo nack intead.” (Hula Girl wants little snack instead.)

I told her she could eat her breakfast or nothing. Then I told her that if she decides to leave the table, breakfast is over.

She left the table. Breakfast was over. I stuck the food in the fridge, because I had a premonition that told me I should keep it ready, just in case.

She drank about 3 sippy cups’ worth of water this morning. At about 9:00, just when I started to get ready to leave for storytime, she said, “[Hula Girl] ees HUNNY, Mommy.” (Hula Girl is HUNGRY, Mommy.) So I pulled out the toast and the grapes and set the plate in front of her. She ate one bite, and declared herself done. Again, the food went back in the fridge.

We went to storytime and she was fine. Crabby (I think she’s also got a fever- discovered that in the middle of storytime), but fine.

And then we left. As soon as her bottom hit her car seat, all I heard was, “[Hula Girl] HUNNY, MOMMY! I BE HUNNY! I WANT EEDOO NACK!” the entire drive home. I reminded her that she was hungry because she didn’t eat her breakfast. She agreed.

So we arrived home and I put her in her chair and brought out… you guessed right!… the toast and grapes. And she ate the entire thing. Cold toast and all. And then she asked for more. Nope. I’m not about to let her ruin her appetite for her next scheduled meal!

It’s times like these when I am super thankful for the community of moms I have found through my google group. I would not have been prepared or have known what to do in this situation before. Seriously? Keep offering the same old, cold, nasty toast? Yep. I was cringing on the inside, but she ate it. I won that battle. And I won it with a smile. ūüôā

He’s Still in There…

This whole waiting game is lame lame lame. Gelato, come OUT!

Granted, I am not the most patient person on the planet. But when I somehow get it stuck in my head that something super-cool-big-exciting-and-life-changing is going to happen earlier than predicted, I become the least patient person in the whole entire universe. And somehow I managed to convince myself that Gelato would be coming before his due date. Probably because I got so huge so fast this time. And second babies tend to come earlier. And everyone else agreed with me. So I blame all of you for this, too.

Anyway, over the weekend I started experiencing some really clear signs that labor is imminent. (How imminent is up in the air, but definitely more imminent than, say, 12 weeks ago, when I was still able to EAT FOOD and had energy to keep up with my toddler.) I have been feeling slightly nauseous. I have had some back pain (some meaning some REALLY painful moments interspersed with 24/7 dull ache). I have had some diarrhea-like cramping. I have also had contractions.

In fact, last night I was convinced that I was going into labor. My contractions were very noticeable. Not painful. Uncomfortable and easy to distinguish. They were also getting closer and closer together. They were averaging between 6 and 7 minutes apart. I even had a few that were only 3 minutes apart.¬†This is it! said I, so naively. It was not it. I decided to finally go to sleep around 11:15 because I figured that since they weren’t painful, I still had plenty of time and I wanted to get some rest. I was convinced that I’d be waking up at 5 am and then I’d be waking Jonathan so we could trek down to the hospital.

NOPE. I woke up in the night having to use the facilities, and I felt nothing except the usual backache. I laid awake waiting for that familiar blood-pressure-cuff-around-my-torso feeling… and I didn’t feel it. So I went back to sleep and woke up at 6. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Jonathan went to work and I bemoaned the fact that I had to get through today with Hula Girl all alone.

To be fair, I have been feeling some contractions today. I haven’t bothered timing them because they’re not getting stronger yet. Not painful=not gonna pay attention anymore. SO THERE. ¬†I have also been feeling the crampiness and the backache most of the day. And my hip has decided to just go ahead and dislocate permanently. So that’s been fun.

Whine, whine, whine. He’s not even due until Thursday. But I am impatient. My prayers have not exactly been patient. I have been begging, “Lord, PLEASE just let him come NOW!” rather than, “In your timing!” And you know what? I think it’s okay for God to hear exactly what I really truly mean. If I prayed, “Lord, let him come whenever the time is right!” I would be praying half-heartedly and I’d be lying. ‘Cuz I want this kid out NOW! I am often reminded (and therefore often astounded) of the measure of God’s grace for us. When Hula Girl wants something and I say she can have it later and she says, “No, Now!” I freak out inside, thinking, Who does she think she is, telling me when she gets to have that!? Aren’t I the parent here?!? Um, hello! Thankfully God’s grace IS enough for me.


Hula Girl has gotten to be quite the pro at saying things that make me laugh. She will bust out an odd tidbit every now and again, and I try to remember everything so I can giggle about it when she’s sixteen (plus I might be sharing it at some point in the future, say, at her graduation party, or something)! Anyway.

Today during lunch she asked for permission to go pee-pee and poo-poo. Absolutely, little kiddo. You may leave the table to take care of your bodily functions. So she’s over there sitting on her little potty, and I hear her say, “Oooh, Mommy, doh-dee poo-poo ees hhhhhahd!” (“Oooh, Mommy, going poo-poo is hard!”) I told her she didn’t have to push hard and that she could take her time. I reminded her to wait patiently. Then she said, “Ah poo-poo be neenkee, Mommy.” Why yes, my dear, I don’t think I’ve ever come across poo-poo that wasn’t stinky.

We have been reminding her not to worry about her poo-poo being stinky because we want her to know that it’s okay. We don’t want her to have any anxiety about the potty (especially #2, considering her history with constipation). We also want her to feel comfortable talking to us about potty-related issues so that we can be aware of any problems that might develop. So yeah, we get to hear things like, “All poo-poo is stinky, Mommy.” Daily. Love it.

Saturday night, Jonathan decided we should all go out to eat. So as we’re stepping out the front door, Hula Girl spots a big pile of yellow squash that had just been harvested from the garden. She stopped abruptly, gasped loudly (first time I’ve ever heard her gasp), and said, “SQUASH!” I laughed so hard that she repeated it all the way to the restaurant: “<gasp!> SQUASH! <gasp!> SQUASH! <gasp!> SQUASH!” It was also cute enough that I called my in-laws and my parents just to tell them the tale.



This is not a Gelato post… don’t get your hopes up.

However, there is reason to celebrate this day.

Hula Girl has started entertaining herself in the car. Meaning, she’s not constantly asking me to sing to her or talk with her. She actually prefers it if I just leave her alone and let her sing and talk in her own little world. She has quite a good time!

I remember doing this as a child and I have been waiting and waiting for this special moment in my daughter’s life. I think it’s a wonderful thing when kids talk and sing to themselves. It gives us such a great view into their little noggins. And Hula Girl’s noggin is full o’ fun!

So, today I celebrate. Here’s to self-talk and singing!

39 Weeks


When I was pregnant with Hula Girl, thirty-nine weeks didn’t seem so bad. After all, I was still required to attend work days at the school, and so I had something (kind of) to occupy my mind. It didn’t seem so dull and awful to be stuck there at 39 weeks. After all, pregnancy is supposed to last 40 weeks, right?!

This time, I am bored. Bored, bored, bored. I have been trying my hardest to keep Hula Girl on a good schedule and not throw anything else in her world out of whack just before her world turns upside-down. Therefore, we’ve done a few outings here and there, and we’ve stayed home a decent number of days. But there has been less and less enthusiasm from me. Partly because I am unable to jump up and down; partly because I am just really looking forward to the next chapter in our little lives.

Anyway, our appointment went well today.

I forgot what time our appointment was scheduled. I had it written down on this little card that held the dates and times of all the rest of my appointments until Gelato’s little cuteness is due to be out in public. However, I was desperate for a place to put my gum the other day, and so I pulled out the card and carefully placed the gum inside it and folded it so I could still clearly see the dates and times. Lo and behold, I actually took cleaning out my purse seriously, and threw away the gum holder. I have never actually cleaned out a purse in a decent amount of time before. I don’t know what came over me. So here we were, lying in bed at 7:00 this morning, wondering if perhaps the emergency line answerer would have the schedule. Nope.

It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, except for a few things. First, we live at least 30 minutes away from the doctor’s office. Next, they don’t start answering phones until 8:30, even though they open for appointments at 8. And finally, my appointments tend to be somewhere around 8:45-9:30. So I just left the house at 8:15 and Jonathan and Hula Girl followed after she finished her breakfast. I arrived at 8:45 and was actually called back right at my appointment time- 9:00- which was surprising, since they’re so very rarely on time (or within 20 minutes of it). Jonathan and Hula Girl got there just after I was weighed and had my BP checked. Great timing for everyone!

The nurse told me that the doctor would be “checking my progress” today, and I responded, “Does she have to?”

She was quite perplexed by that question. After all, what 39-weeks-pregnant lady doesn’t want hope that the end is in sight?! But that’s the thing- it doesn’t really matter how dilated and/or effaced one is- the measurements don’t predict anything! I could be 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced and still not deliver until August 14th! Or I could be 0 cm dilated and 0% effaced and deliver in the next 4 hours! So the measurements are basically meaningless, unless one really needs that hope.

The nurse asked the doctor if I really needed to be “checked” today and the doctor said, “Well, that’s unusual that she doesn’t want to be, but it’s fine. She doesn’t have to be.”

Another big reason I don’t want to be checked is that I read that if you’re positive for GBS, the checks can actually push the bacteria closer to the baby, endangering that little kiddo even more. So, it wasn’t really worth it for me to get checked today.

So the doctor took the normal measurements to check Gelato’s growth and then we heard his heartbeat (which was between 130 and 140 bpm today- I finally remembered to ask!). She said everything’s looking good.

Then she asked me how far along I was when I delivered Hula Girl. I reminded her that I was induced on Hula Girl’s due date, and her response was, “Hm.” (She also furrowed her brow quite a bit.) Then she told me that she’ll be here through next Thursday (which is Gelato’s actual due date), but after that she’s going to be on vacation for two weeks.* So the best time for me to deliver will be this weekend, when she’s on call. I told her that I would work on it.

*Frankly, I don’t really care which doctor is down there catching the baby. The OB is so uninvolved in the whole delivery process that the only way I’d really freak out about someone’s absence is if I had a specific nurse who’d worked with me all the way through pregnancy and who would be there the whole time during L&D. Guess that’s why some women want midwives and doulas!

Anyway, I do plan to go into labor before next week. I have been having some encouraging signs and symptoms lately (ones that I can actually feel free to share on my blog- don’t worry, they’re not the gross ones)!

Contractions– Nothing regular like I had a few weeks ago, but the contractions I’ve been feeling have been stronger and longer than the ones I had previously. I have been feeling them throughout the day for the past week or so (the other ones were limited to the evenings pretty much).

Back Pain- When I lie down in the evenings, my lower back starts to hurt. Like, really bad. Last night I was awakened several times in the night due to strong back pain. It’s constant, so it’s not contractions. However, I am concerned that this will equate to back labor for me. We’ll have to see.

Other Pain-¬†Gelato moves at very consistent times of day now. So when we put Hula Girl down for bed at night, I can pretty much sit down and predict how long it will take for me to feel Gelato kick it up. And when he does- oh, man, does it hurt. It almost feels like I have no amniotic fluid surrounding him. Or like something inside there is swollen and receiving a brutal beating. Seriously, sometimes the pain is so bad that I can’t even talk or breathe through it.

Hip Pain-¬†One of the essential hormones in pregnancy, relaxin, has done a number on the tendons around my hip. Last time I had sciatica, but that was totally different pain. This time, if I turn my right foot out and put pressure on the leg at the same time, I am guaranteeing myself the inability to walk unassisted for at least four hours afterward. (Yes, I have even had to crawl through the house and up and down stairs several times in the past week. That’s a sight to behold!) Last night I did something weird to it and I couldn’t even move to sit down, so Jonathan had to carry my poor sobbing self to bed. Even lying down hurt my hip, so I had him prop my leg up on a pillow, which helped. But I felt so helpless and I got scared that pushing this child out is going to cause permanent damage. (My doctor so kindly informed me that she has yet to see a patient lose a leg during delivery. So I guess I have nothing to worry about.) I felt like a big gigantic baby. And I cried like one, too. Poor Jonathan.

Nausea-¬†It’s¬†baaaaaaaaaack!¬†When I woke in the night with my back pain, I felt an overwhelming urge to vomit. I didn’t. Ha. And then when I was brushing my teeth this morning, I was contemplating going downstairs for Hula Girl’s fruit toothpaste because our mint toothpaste was bringing back memories from Christmas and the following months- not the good kind of memories. The memories that make me want to vomit just thinking about how truly awful I felt. But I am embracing this nausea because I have read that it is a very good sign that things will start happening sooner than later.

Well, that’s where we are. I am going to go downstairs now and make myself some rice and beans. Oh yes, the meal of champions. Champion elimination dieters, that is. (By the way, the elimination diet is going well. I have only lost one more pound, which is common at the end of pregnancy. Woohoo! I think the constant intake of Lays and french fries has really boosted my ability to maintain my weight! That’s a good thing, right!?)


Eviction Notice


To: Gelato

I am terminating your tenancy and want to evict you from the following property:

Your Mom’s Abdomen

My reason for evicting you is

You have been there long enough. Sure, sure, we have a 9 month/40-week lease agreement, but I’m just getting tired of your antics. You’ve gotten so big that Mommy can no longer polish her toenails or tie her shoes. Your sister is unable to enjoy Mommy’s lap because, well, you’ve stolen Mommy’s lap and kept it hidden for the past few months. You’ve violated curfews by causing Mommy almost nightly episodes of severe pain and discomfort. Oh, and did I mention that Mommy, Daddy, Sister, and Family are dying to meet you in person?

You must move from the property by the following date:

ASAP. If you must wait any longer than that, the absolute latest date is August 2, 2012.

If you do not agree with this eviction notice,

you have the right to legal advice and may contact a lawyer.

Name of Owner or Agent: Mommy

Address of Owner or Agent: 1234 Middle Abdomen Lane

Torso, Body 56789

Telephone Number: 1-800-2-GET-OUT

Date: 7/25/12

“I don’t care if it’s a MONKEY!”

So when my mom delivered me, she (very stubbornly) chose the natural route, but I was equally as stubborn and I had a ginormous head. Hence her classic quotation: “I don’t care if it’s a monkey, get this thing out of me!”

They had to use the vacuum extractor. Then I had a cone head. My dad always tells me I looked like Jabba the Hutt. Apparently I had big jowly cheeks to accompany my cone head.

Anyway, I was thinking about how I am looking forward to Gelato’s delivery and how much nicer it will be once he’s on the outside. Sure, it will be TIRING and HARD. But you know what? I am so ready for a change. I am ready to not weigh as much as a small elephant. I am ready to have people stop saying, “We thought he’d be here by now!”¬†Because, um, duh, you saying that you thought he’d be here by now is REALLY uplifting to my spirits when I’m four thousand pounds, dumpy, unable to tie my own flipping shoes, and in pain. Thank you for your input.¬†I am ready to be able to play with my daughter without having to bend around a watermelon-sized overgrowth on my abdomen. And, let me tell you- I can’t wait to lie down on my BACK!

But aside from those wonderful after-delivery things, I am looking forward to Gelato’s¬†delivery.¬†I feel very prepared for pretty much anything. Delivery doesn’t seem scary to me at all this time around. Sure, I know I’m going to be in a lot of pain. Possibly the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life. But I have had a kidney infection, which is rumored to be even more painful than childbirth. But that pain is going to bring something incredible. And then when it’s over, I will get to look back and be proud of myself for accomplishing so much for a second time. Wahoo! I plan to be super proud of myself.

And if he’s a monkey, so be it.

Choices, Fish, and Dead Batteries

Last night, I said to Jonathan, “I just don’t know what to do with Hula Girl tomorrow!”

He suggested the same ol’ same ol’: zoo or playground. But it’s too hot for either of those. I mean, sure, maybe if I weren’t 38.5 weeks pregnant… but I am, so those were not options. So we thought maybe Hula Girl and I would hit the pet store and the bookstore. Then I remembered that I really need to get the fabric to finish up Gelato’s nursery walls and Boppy cover. So we added the fabric store to the list.

Hula Girl woke up feeling like a TWO-YEAR-OLD this morning. And what I mean by that is that she wanted to make all her own decisions and do the exact opposite of what I wanted her to do. This was demonstrated clearly when I chose her outfit for her and she screamed and cried for ten(!) minutes about how she wanted to wear the “nank bop” (tank top) instead of the yellow shirt. Too bad for you, girlie girl. I even chose white undies, whereas she would have preferred blue ones. She made that quite clear.

Sadly for her, I don’t accept that kind of thinking. I have been talking to Jonathan lately about how she’s getting more and more choice-addicted. So I cut her off completely. She has officially made zero choices today. And guess what? Her behavior has gotten better and better as the day has gone on. Guess she needed a bit more reminding about who’s in charge. Also, I think she was getting stressed out with the number of choices she was responsible for. Emotionally, she couldn’t hack it, and she was inwardly concerned that she might actually be in charge. (Which, for those of you who don’t know brain development stuff well, can be very traumatic for a toddler, and they begin to act out to try to force the parent to regain control.)

Anyway, we had a lovely morning together after the tank top and blue undies vs. yellow shirt and white undies episode. She did push back on a few decisions I made, but nothing like the throw-herself-down-and-sob-miserably tantrum from the morning. I chose peanut butter and honey toast and strawberries for her breakfast.* After breakfast we rearranged her art/crafts station because she has gotten tall enough to reach the crayons, markers, glue, and paints. Hence her little redecorating spree the other day. I got a fun idea to have her color a picture and use stickers this morning. We haven’t done that at home in a long time. Plus she needs the practice coloring, I think. I generally give her blank paper and have her scribble on it, but I noticed the other day that she was actually attempting to color in individual shapes when we were at the library. Oops! Guess I should give her practice with that, too. How else will she learn to stay in the lines?** So I busted out my¬†major artistic skillz and drew her some fish.

Here’s the final product! Note the ginormous glue globs under the eyes on the left 2 fish!

Crayons, stickers, and glued-on eyes! What fun!

So our day is sounding all hokey and stay-at-home-mom-ish now, right? (How do I fill the day? Crafts? Shopping? Yes!) Well, it gets even better.

After Hula Girl and I completed her fish project, I got dressed and the two of us headed out the car. I turned the key and heard rrr, rrrr, rrr, rrrr, click, click, click, click. Thinking it must have been a one-time-only deal, I turned the key again, and this time I heard click, click, click, click. Boo. Dead battery.

Normally it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. I would have herded the little Hulameister back into the house and occupied her time with fingerpainting and dancing and general glee and merriment. But, remember folks, I am 38.5 weeks pregnant.

What if I went into labor and couldn’t get to the hospital!? (No, I do not plan to drive myself there, but I also do not plan to ride all the way there in 100 degree heat in the other car. The other car’s A/C is broken.) And then how would we get home once Gelato’s ready?! No, no, no. This will not do.

So we walked across the street to see if the neighbors could give us a jump. I was praying the whole time that a) they were home, and b) they knew how to jump a car. I have no knowledge of this. Well, a) they were not home, and b) there are no other neighbors around that I trust. So we went home and called roadside assistance.

Dude came in 15 minutes! It was awesome. He jumped the car and left it running so we could head over to Walmart (AGAIN) to have them check out the battery.

We pull up to Walmart and ask the nice garage guys to test the battery. Yup. Dead. So they go ahead and replace it. Sounds simple, no?

Well, not exactly. See, our car’s battery is down under all the other stuff. It’s right next to the wheel well, in the fender. WHO DESIGNED THIS CAR?!?! I mean, come on! Isn’t the battery kind of something that people try to get to frequently!? Obviously it has poles above the engine where it can be jumped, but it’s seriously¬†buried down there. So of course they have to take off the wheel. And the fender.

An hour and a half of mindlessly wandering Walmart and thanking whoever it was that thought of putting Subway restaurants right inside Walmart and feeding Hula Girl a lunch consisting of things she’s never going to eat again (turkey with nitrates and fake juice, anyone!?) later, we found out that our car was ready. Score.

Hula Girl kept saying to me, “Ay-oh cah is wix! Ay-oh cah is wix!” (Our car is fixed! Our car is fixed!) She was delighted. Weren’t we all?!

And we got home just fifteen minutes late for Hula Girl’s nap. I’d call that pretty successful.

*Peanut butter: I have decided to start introducing peanut butter. Hula Girl has had no problems whatsoever with coconut milk, which I was determined to do before peanuts. Therefore this morning she got her first taste of peanut butter. Like a true member of our family, she said, “Mmm! [Hula Girl] yike meanuh bah-bah!” ([Hula Girl] like peanut butter!)

**Staying in the lines:¬†I was actually kidding. I don’t think it’s important for a 2-year-old to learn to stay in the lines. I actually need to pull out my “art for kids” stuff from college to see what she ought to be doing now. Maybe that can be my next research topic. I generally like her to just do what she feels like she should do with art/craft supplies. Granted, this usually generates no “art” as it were. Just messy hands and lots of miniscule marks on a page.

38 Weeks and GBS+

This morning’s appointment was much better than the ones we’ve been having lately! It was scheduled for 8:50, so I got Hula Girl out of bed and dressed, then read to her while she drank her milk, and then we were out of the house. I packed a nice breakfast for her to eat in the car and in the doctor’s office, so that was fun for her. Something different.

When we got there, I was informed that my OB was doing a delivery this morning so she’d be about ten minutes late. Of course, we were seen about 20 minutes late, but 20 minutes is a lot less than an hour and 20 minutes! Hula Girl finished up her graham crackers and then played with a group of four kids who were in the waiting room. There was a twelve-year-old girl who was really sweet and she knew¬†how to talk to two-year-olds. She and Hula Girl formed a “mutual admiration society” and Hula Girl was devastated when the girl’s mom was called¬†back and the girl had to leave. We compensated by munching on some berries and reading a book.

My physical stats were good. I actually gained a pound back in the past week, which really shows the effort I’ve been putting in. Gaining a pound on rice, vegetables, quinoa, beans, and potatoes is really an accomplishment. So, high-five me when you see me next. My blood pressure was back to “normal” at 102/58. Last week it was higher, but that’s because I had to do a mad dash in the waiting room to help Hula Girl clean up the toys when we got called back (plus I was anxious/annoyed that we had had to wait so very long). The nurse refused to check it again once I had calmed down a bit. Oh well. One blip on my records isn’t going to kill me.

Gelato’s heart rate and growth rate were solid. My OB doesn’t tell me specific numbers, but she says, “Looks good,” or, “Everything’s looking wonderful!” So I will trust her.

The only question I really had for my OB this week was about the antibiotics that are administered for GBS (group B strep). Since I tested positive there is a lot to consider.¬†¬†Jonathan and I have been researching and looking at statistics and alternatives and personal stories and such for a week now, and we still have not reached a decision about what we’re going to do. We were leaning away from antibiotics in hope that things will work out (I would not even have been tested a few years ago, so we wouldn’t have known and I wouldn’t have gotten antibiotics, anyway!). Then I started feeling nervous that something might happen to Gelato, and I’d be kicking myself for the rest of my life because I could have prevented it. But the antibiotics are not guaranteed to work, and the chances of him getting GBS disease are super slim regardless. So I asked my doctor for direction, thinking she’d be 100 percent set on administering the antibiotics, and she’d have some awesome reason that would help me make up my mind. Here are some of the things she said in the discussion that followed:

“Well, everything we do is dictated by you and your preferences. If you decide to decline the antibiotics, that’s fine.”

“A few years back, we wouldn’t even have tested you, so we wouldn’t have given you antibiotics anyway.”

“If he does end up getting infected, it’s a big deal. But his chances of infection are very slim.”

“All the literature recommends doing the antibiotics just to be safe.”

“Yes, thrush is a very legitimate concern. That’s what makes this decision so hard. There are potential positives and negatives on both sides of the issue.”

“You’ll just have to go with your gut and do what you feel is the right thing to do.”

And finally, when I told her that my actual labor (once begun) with Hula Girl lasted maybe 9-10 hours, and my mom delivered me in 7 hours, start to finish, she said, “Well, there might not even be time for you to have the antibiotics, anyway! It sounds like you’ll probably go really fast!”*

So, in the end, her opinion wasn’t very strong at all, and now I am just hoping that I don’t have to make that decision at all. I am hoping that I either get a fever during labor (which indicates high risk for GBS transfer to baby) and therefore must receive the antibiotics, or that I have such a short labor that I don’t have time to receive the antibiotics. What I am not hoping for is a slowly-progressing labor that has me waiting in the delivery room for hours, wondering what to do.

I have asked several different groups of folks to chime in on this issue, but if I haven’t asked you and/or you haven’t shared, please email me or facebook me or comment or call me or something and give me your opinion! And, please, keep Jonathan and me in your prayers as we make (what is turning out to be) the toughest decision yet!

*I hope I am not jinxing myself when I type out my OB’s statement. I would LOVE to have a super speedy labor and delivery process. But writing it out?! Is this a bad idea? We’ll see… ūüôā

You really have to Wonder…

…what people were really trying to find.

I love looking at my blog’s statistics page. Sure, it’s fun to see what posts draw the most attention, and how many views my posts have had in a particular day. But the best part of it for me is to see what search terms brought curious viewers. When people type phrases or words into a search engine, they sometimes get my blog posts as a result. And then they click on my blog, and my blog’s stats note their original search terms. I have a complete list (8 pages long) of search terms from the past year and then some, and I have been wanting to share some of the most hilarious search terms I’ve seen on my stats. So, without further ado, here is the countdown of best search terms* from the past year or so, and what posts they were linked to:

10. housework sweatpants (this post)

Okay, I can see how this totally relates to me. And if you know me, you definitely know that I do all housework in sweatpants. In fact, if I am home, it is safe to assume that I am wearing sweatpants. But really, did someone actually search for, like, sweatpants made specifically for housework?!

9. oy with the poodles already (this post)

Yes, this is the title of one of my posts. So it makes sense that it would come up in a search engine. It’s also a line from Gilmore Girls. Apparently the person who searched for it wasn’t aware from the rest of the dialogue that it’s a totally made-up phrase from the show and it has absolutely no particular meaning. And here’s the video to prove it:

Oy, with the Poodles Already!

8. irish valentine fern (this post)

Someone interested in horticulture! Unfortunately we have never had a fern in our house… and definitely not one given at Valentine’s Day. But HEY! Now I know what Jonathan’s getting next February! Thanks, search engine user, for such a great idea!

7. irish fold cat (this post)

Google these. They actually don’t really exist. Their real name is “Scottish Fold Cats.” They are they ugliest cats I have ever seen. Kind of like a mix between a bush baby and gremlin, with a little tiger cub thrown in just for whiskers.

6. summer bursta 2012 e e e a a a (this post)

Apparently if you drop one of the a’s, you’ll be able to find…something. I am trying to figure out exactly what it is. The original searcher misspelled tremendously. And some of the websites that come up with that search term are in Arabic. So I’m not sure what it is!

5. soap smell in my house (this post) 

Wish I had this problem.

4. yoo ah in purple chair (this post)

??????? A lot of what comes up when I conduct my own search for this is fan fiction. Yipe.

3. 9 month old baby shouts like a cow muuuh (can’t find the post!)

Yes, I have had this. But I never blogged about it! In fact, my child was well past 9 months old when we started this here bloggie blog. And by the way, can you imagine needing to actually search this term? That 9-month-old must have been driving his/her parent(s) crazy!

2. whew wee (this post)

I do feel that way frequently! This pregnancy better end SOOOOOOOON!

1. tingle in my foot when i wee (this post)

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can only imagine they got linked to this post. I’m sure that’s not what they were looking for. For the record, I have never felt a tingle in my foot when I relieve myself. That would be quite interesting. I will tell you that my jaw hurts sometimes if I hold it long enough. But I think that’s more of a tension issue than an actual physiological connection between the two. ūüôā

Okay, that wraps up Episode 1 of “You really have to Wonder what people were really trying to find!”

*I actually have quite a few more from the past year. I just didn’t want to give them all away at once… because they’re too funny NOT to share!¬†

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